It's hard not to take things personally.

A few people have asked me what was going on with my novel. Nothing. Every book agent my literary manager and the film agent he teamed-up with sent it to, passed. Some said they like the writing but they couldn’t sell it. The commercial fiction market is brutal. Except of course for Lauren Conrad from THE HILLS who just scored a multi-book deal.

I know I should let these things roll off my back. However, when someone says, “She’s a good writer but I don’t care about this story”, it stings. Then yesterday the first thing I saw in the morning was an email from my manager regarding a producer passing on one of my scripts.

I tried not to spiral into the “I’m going to end up a bag lady. Why did I leave my job? Will I be broke forever?” malaise. I had been writing all morning. I finally walked over to Trastevere to run an errand. It felt good to get out.

That is until I started watching some show on the Discovery Channel about British people who buy houses overseas and renovate them. I starting thinking about if I don’t sell a script in Hollywood I won’t be able to pay my rent, much less buy a house. This led to the whole “I can’t believe I’m this old and I don’t own a home.” That led to “Why am I still single? Will I have a boyfriend this century?” Then I was glad I didn’t do drugs and wasn’t an alcoholic because I would have gotten messed up.

My manager and I had our weekly conference call last night. He told me to keep on writing and moving forward. He said I don’t want to become one of those bitter, jealous, struggling Hollywood screenwriters. Those folks don’t last.

He’s right. So this morning I got up and went to work, instead of wallowing in self pity. I owe the Italian film company another draft of my treatment. I took a break, went to the park (now it’s too dark to work out before I start writing) and will get back to work after breakfast. I had a cold all week. This was the first morning I was able to work out. My mood is much better.

Writing is a strange profession. You have to be sensitive enough to put pen to paper yet have tough enough skin to not let rejection break you. This dichotomy is the one of the reasons why many creative people are freaking nuts.

How do you deal with professional setbacks?

I have a lit. manager!

I called a manager at a firm with excellent clients to tell him I was moving to Rome. He asked what I was going to do there. I said "keeping writing".

Manager - "Can I read your book?"

Me - "Why?" (what the hell was wrong with me?). I sent it off not giving it a second thought. After all, a male agent earlier in the week passed. That rep said he liked my writing but didn't respond strongly enough to the material. I get it. I pass on material all the time for my job but it's still hard not to take these thing personally. I have been so focused on querying book agents I didn't think to look at managers.

He read it over the holiday, loved it (I said "really?" again I ask, what the hell is wrong with me?) said he would call me on Tuesday. Tuesday morning he calls, schedules conference call for that afternoon. Super intense conversation lasts an hour. He asks questions they ask all prospective clients. I thought the questions were excellent and thought provoking. Some of the questions were about writing and the writing process, others were about life goals. He says he will talk to the other partners and call me in a few days.

Calls me today. They want to sign me. Already he has put a list together of book agents he wants to go out to.

I do realize that getting representation doesn't mean all of a sudden I will be a working writer. However, for someone like me who is making a big transition from film exec to writer, having someone go out on a limb like this is amazing. Their client list is small. This is good, they work closely with their clients. I don't get the point of having a manager who has a million clients and an agent with a million clients. The whole point of having a manager is they are suppose to help guide your career, thinking about the big picture and work along with the agent. Of course some people hate having both and resent it. It could because 20% of your income is out the window (10% percent for the agent and 10% for the manager. Along with 5% for your attorney and if you have a business manager 5% percent for them as well. Add taxes and there isn't much left).

I told my co-workers and they were excited.

Another exciting thing that happened today was, I put a deposit down for my move. The estimate did not drop by that much because the consolidator had a minimum size requirement. I did save some money on the packing/local end.

I was going to stop by the store to get some wine or cake to celebrate (as one of my good friends suggested. She also told me to stop questioning why my new manager likes my book, just go with it) but then I remembered I ate a bag of chips and had a Coke earlier today. I cannot stop eating this week. I do not like PMS. It's a pain.

Write what you want or worry about marketing?

I was speaking with an editor at one of the big publishing houses today about the business. It seems book publishing is becoming more and more like the movie business. Mid-range authors are out. You are either established or brand new. Your book must be easy to market (I'm talking about commercial fiction but even literary fiction has changed).

When I was speaking with the editor she did say it is going to be tough to sell my book. It's multiracial but the protangonist is black. So is it a black book? Is it Chick Lit? Is it Travel Lit ala EAT, PRAY, LOVE (I have heard from more than one book agent/editor that everyone and their mother is trying to sell manuscripts that are the next EPL). That is just great.

I was a little down but what is done is done. I like the characters in my book. It never occured to me to make them all one race. That is not the world I live in. What about all the women who watch GREY'S ANATOMY? Will they not read a book set in Rome with a group of expats from different backgrounds? Would a guy who likes to travel or Italy not read a book set there because a woman wrote it?

I was on the treadmill thinking about my next project. It would make more sense to write it as a script. I have no idea if I can do it. It's in a different genre for me. I want the script to be well written. These are the things I worry about. Maybe I should try the opposite (ala George Constanza). Pick a topic I think the studios would want (like some really stupid comedy for Dane Cook) "write" the script in two weeks, use a guy's name, send out after the strike. I kid. I have no idea how to write for Dane Cook which is why my ass will probably be broke forever. ha.

Happy Holidays greeting with Totti & Gattuso

Today was my last day in the office. I will use this down time to get super organized. I've already started going through my closets. I am having a hard time with my books. I will put one in the donate pile then take it out. There is only so much I can take when I move so I better get it together.

I haven't written a thing for book #2 since I sent out my ms. I will follow up with the few agents it went to in the New Year. I am going to cut myself some slack next year. I will be moving, I have a few volunteer events to organize and a movie in post production. I may not be able to write for as many hours in the a.m. as I would like.

While there is much to blog about these days, the Presidential race, the war, Momma Spear's bad parenting skills (two words...birth control), this Ragazza will be back next year.

I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and see you in '08.

Forget having a Plan B.

I am driving myself crazy. I have just started to query a few agents. I analyze every email, every phone call looking for signs, do they like the ms? How long should it take before they respond?

Once you have an agent (a big step) they shop it to publishers. More waiting and freaking out.

I was reading an article in TIME magazine about Will Smith. He said he never had a Plan B because that implied your Plan A was going to fail. Interesting.

Someone the other day asked me what type of work I was going to do in Rome. I started to give my "in a perfect world I will write full time", speech then stopped. To be honest I don't know. On one hand that worries me, on the other it's freeing. My job is such a huge part of my identity it's hard for me not to stress about being in Rome without having a film or some kind of "great" job.

Maybe it's time for a new approach. Of course I will plan the logistics of my move the best I can but how can I predict what I will be doing for work? I don't live there. There is no such thing as a perfect world. Plenty of writers do other things until they can support themselves by writing. Some writers never give up their day jobs. They cannot afford to. Maybe I will get a part-time film related job with a festival, maybe I'll work for my sister-in-law friend's company. Maybe the writers' stike will end sooner rather than later. Who knows?

I was talking to my parents the other day. My dad said I was just existing here and that was not good. They are both supportive of my move. Although I know my mom is nervous about me living so far away from my family.

My move is not rational to begin with so I might as well go the distance. Next time someone asks me what I'm going to do in Rome, I'll say live.

This is it. Time for some Eros.

The reader just dropped off my ms. She said there weren't too many typos (phew) and that she really liked it.

I will be fixing the corrections this weekend and working on my query letter.

If I had not been in Toronto I would not have known Eros Ramazzotti has a greatest hits CD coming out this month (with a few new singles added). I heard this song on an Italian music station. It was the number one song on the countdown. Ricky Martin sings pretty well in Italian. I don't want to hear anyone speak ill of my Eros. I don't care if he is cheezy. He also records his CDs in Spanish and is huge in Latin America.

To celebrate finishing my book and my upcoming trip to Venice, it's going to be Italia week here at sistergirltales.blogspot.com. This will be much more fun than stressing about sending the ms out to agents or worrying about the writers strike.

I am almost done with my book, so why am I freaking out?

I am terrible with typos. I am trying to catch all of them but out of 93,000 words there might be a few that slip by. All weekend (breaks for meals) I worked on my manuscript.

Friday and Saturday were very frustrating. I woke up at 5:00 a.m. and by 8:00 there was major construction going on. There is a new condo building going up two lots over. Next door my landlord is putting in hardwood floors. All day there was loud banging in that apartment. I think she is having a hard time renting the space out (good!). I know she is asking some outrageous price. I guess she finally realized she had to change the old carpet. People are not that crazy.

The new neighbor upstairs must have 40 lb weights attached to his legs.

Saturday was just awful. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't go to a library because I was reading the ms out loud. It's the first time I have done that cover-to-cover (thank you Walter Mosley for that tip).

If I finish the corrections this week I will start sending it out to agents. I am not "going wide" just testing the waters first to see what kind of feedback I get. I am so worried but feel like it's time. If I don't do it now I am going to put it in a box and never take it out.

This whole process is so subjective. I hope one of the agents will respond to the ms.

To add to the stress of the weekend, my immediate boss and I had a very long talk on Friday about the writers strike. I asked her to please give me at least 30 days notice if they are going to let me go.

The write stuff.

Today is my last day in Toronto. I am flying out tomorrow morning back to Los Angeles. It is sunny and mild today. I think I will go out for a walk this afternoon.

Yesterday I started the final rewrite of my novel. I have not touched it in almost two months. I must have been crazy to think I could write during production. I was waiting for my freelance editor to send me her line edits but she just had a baby. Hopefully I will get the ms next week. In the meantime I can continue to write.

I created a playlist on my iTunes with 120 songs for this rewrite. Most of list is compiled of songs I heard when I was in Italy or when I was working on earlier drafts.

I am excited to be writing again. I reread Walter Mosley's book on writing and got inspired.

A hectic day but good news on the book front

I'm glad it's August. It means one of the crappiest summers of my life is almost over.

I had a conference call at 8:00 this morning with my editor. She really liked the changes I made. I will be getting back my ms later next week with her line edits. My next draft will focus on cleaning up typos, grammar and tweaking some dialogue. I'm very excited to be close to the finish line. Next step....looking for an agent.

I have been on the phone all morning with my office/producers/agents regarding a project. Usually this is the time of year Hollywood starts to slow down (on the film side). However, with all this strike talk everyone is trying to set up more pre-strike movies. It would be great if we could get another going before June '08.

Is it wrong to have a mojito at 4:30 in the afternoon? I feel like making one. I'll go easy on the rum, since I still have a ton of work to do. I think it's okay. Plus, I can't let these limes spoil.

Finito!

With the latest draft of zee book. I am going to use the next few days to clean up typos and then send it off to my editor.

Yesterday was a great writing day. The gym didn't open until 7:00 a.m. (holiday hours) so I went on a walk instead. I wrote from 7:30-12:30 broke for lunch, then 1:30 to 4:30. It was fantastic to have a full day to do my thing.

I am feeling a little sluggish, one it's crazy hot and two I didn't go to the gym a couple of days last week. I felt like I was in a writing groove so I would get up at 4:30 a.m., skip the gym and get 4 hours of writing done before going to the office.

It will take a few weeks to receive notes on this draft so I will have time to work out again.

Had the weirdest dream last night. I was waiting in line at the post office...in Rome. I don't remember if I was speaking Italian in the dream. Not sure what I was doing there.

Writing, watermelon granita and Giada in Capri

So these things might not seem to have anything in common. Well, they were the highlights of my very non-social weekend.

I had a very productive and fun time writing Friday, yesterday, and this morning. I took a break early afternoon yesterday to make the recipe, Sara posted here. It was delicious, perfect for a hot weekend.

Rose mentioned Giada De Laurentiis did a special on Capri. I saw her Santorini one and just happened to catch the Capri one. Sigh. I hear it's better to go during off season. I have to get there some day. The food, the views, the ruins, wow.

I can't believe today is July 1. My siblings are going to visit our parents in St. Martin later this month. I can't go because everything is on hold until I find out what is going on with the movie.

Destination: Rome, the rewrite

After two weeks of waking up at 4:30 to write before work, I printed out a copy of draft #14. I am happy with how things are going so far. I think I am addressing the notes from my editor.

I can't believe how much I missed writing and working on this particular story. I do like this part of the process. It's like the foundation has been built and now I'm picking the colors, hanging the drapes, etc. I had fewer moments of "What the hell am I doing? This is terrible. What made me think I could write a novel? I could be sleeping or working out".

I will be using the next couple of days to read through the ms with my red pen ready. I hope to be done with this draft by mid July.

Back to the book and more on Andrew Speaker, the TB passenger

I spoke to my editor yesterday. She really likes my book and I should be getting her editorial report this weekend. Very excited but also freaked out. I have to re-work the beginning of the book. This is note I heard from several readers. They enjoyed it but felt it takes too long to get into the meat of the story, which is set in Rome not Los Angeles. I wrote the ms in a linear way and might start the book with my protagonist in Rome and flashback to the horrific two weeks that proceeded her arrival.

I haven't worked on the book in 7 weeks. While I have enjoyed being able to get things done (gym, downloading CDs to my iPod, watching Good Morning America, spending time reading blogs and other things on the internet), I missed my book. Sometimes at the gym funny dialogue (to me anyway) that one of the characters might say pops into my head. I started to keep pen and paper next to my bed. I never felt like getting out of bed to write down good ideas and assumed I would remember them in the morning. I never did and it would drive me crazy all day.

Taking a walk or walking on the treadmill listening to music gets the creative juices flowing. Being in the shower and driving also seems to work. I read on one screenwriter's website it's because your subconcious is at work. This is why I like to write in the morning. After working all day my brain is fried and I'm not a night person.

I am looking foward (fear aside) to getting back into the swing of things. I love writing. I love the world the book is set in. Working on the book again will bring some non-caloric enjoyment back into my sad little life. I was in a foul mood all week (my co-workers even noticed) because the long weekend was so booooooring. I was glad to go on a hike with a friend Sunday morning but sitting at home Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday night made me salty. I thought "why am I spending every night at home watching Emmy DVD screeners?" or "would it be a really bad idea to bake a cake for one person?"

I watch the GMA interview at the gym with Andrew Speaker. He has changed his attitude. Before he said "I'm a smart, successful person, I'm not going to do that" meaning staying in Rome until the CDC could figure out a way to get him to Denver without him flying commercially. Now he says he's sorry, started crying and saying he never meant to put anyone at risk.

What is outrageous is when the border officer swiped Speaker's passport it said to detain him. The officer thought Speaker "looked" healthy and let him through. WTF?!! The report said not to let him in the country. If Speaker wasn't a good looking lawyer with his pretty wife next to him, would they have stopped him. What part of DO NOT ALLOW ENTRY INTO THE UNITED STATES did the officer not understand? This person should not be protecting our borders.

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Book

A big grazie to Shelley in Rome for the fantastic idea. She read the book WHEN IN ROME: Chasing La Dolce Vita, raved about it but noticed is was only in print in Australia (where she went for her honeymoon).

I thought I was getting the book after Sara in Milan. Yesterday I went to my mailbox and found the book sent to me by Sonya (I don't know if she has a blog) from Australia. What a nice surprise. After I read it, I am to write a note in the book and send it off to Michelle in Milan (not sure if this the same Michelle with the blog). Apparently there are two books "traveling".

I started reading it last night and I'm almost done. The book is a fun memoir. Of course I freaked out a little when I saw there was an actress friend named Patrizia in her book. I have a character in my novel with the same name and occupation. I need to remember it's very propular name like Matteo, Luca etc. Also all the American/British/Australian in Italy books have very similar stories about the cultural differences between their home countries and Italy. It's how the story is told and the point of view that makes the books unique. That said I read EAT, LOVE, PRAY after several drafts of my manuscript had already been written. I was worried when she wrote about spending Thanksgiving in Italy and buying lingerie, two things I wrote about. Oh no. Anyway I told my editor about it and she said they were very different.

Wow I am out of shape

I am talking about writing. Today I woke up at 7:00, didn't go to the gym and worked on the novel for an hour and a half. Yesterday I had to drag myself out of bed at 5:15 a.m., worked out for 40 minutes then came home to edit before work.

These few weeks off have thrown me off my schedule. I hope this weekend will help me get back on track.

My book

The days of sleeping in until 7:00 a.m. are over. Last week I received notes on the latest draft of my manuscript and found a freelance editor. Now it's time to start waking up at 5:00 a.m. again and writing before going to the office.

One screenwriter/director friend asked me why would I work with a freelance editor. She thought one writes a book, finds an agent, agent sends it to publishers, editor at publishing house buys book and edits it.

Back in the day a mainstream fiction writer with potential might get a deal. Now that manuscript better be close to ready. The marketing dept. has to believe they can actually sell the book. I don't have a MFA, did not major in creative writing, and I have never written a novel before. I feel more comfortable having an editor look at my ms before I start sending it to agents. I see it as an investment in my future. The editor does not re-write the book. She does basically what I do when I read scripts for our projects, give extensive notes.

I am really excited about working with my editor. Until last year, she worked at a major publishing house. She is not cheap but at least she isn't asking for an outrageous amount like the other editor I spoke to. She is a better fit since she worked mostly in commercial fiction and the other editor's background was in literary fiction.

Her comments were very similar to the other two I received last week. Very positive overall but there are some structure problems. For example, in the beginning I don't provide enough info so non-industry insiders will get the whole Hollywood scene and rush too quickly through it. However, it still takes too long to get to the heart of the book. So basically I have the worst of both worlds. Ugh. She will be sending me an editorial report next month. In the meantime I am going to fix some grammar issues.

I haven't touched the ms in five weeks. Looking forward to getting back into it...and a little nervous.

Four weeks until Rome

Four weeks from today I will be on a plane. I don't arrive until almost midnight the next day. I'm using flyer miles so I have no complaints. I have been in the best mood despite my car drama of last week.

Last night I went to a co-ed baby shower and several people couldn't believe I was going out of town again. Didn't I just get back into the country? Yes, and I plan on not bringing a single script with me. Okay, maybe one or two to read at the airport. I'm not going to sit in any piazzas in Rome reading scripts.

I had a great time last night. It was a heavy industry crowd (the dad-to-be is an agent) but the people invited were true friends not just biz colleagues.

What a difference a year makes. I stopped going to showers last year because I would leave feeling awful. Now that my clock has rung (that ticking sound is finito) I don't beat myself up about not having kids. What's done is done. I could adopt at some point if I ever earn a decent salary, but I know my chances of having a baby at this age are slim. When I was younger and the window was still open I felt all this pressure like time was running out. That I wasn't dating didn't help.

I love my nephew and can't wait to meet nephew number two who should be making his entrance into the world in a couple weeks. Yes, I did think by this age I would be married with two children, but it didn't work out that way.

I have to say without getting all L.A. crunchy, working on the book also helped. What started out strictly as an American woman in Rome book, has also touched on identity and how do we define success. The yardstick used here is making me crazy. I need to define it for myself. I don't know when the American dream became all about getting paid and/or being famous.

Speaking of being famous there were some actors at the party last night and a bunch of writers and directors. Some of them I have not seen since my first production company exec job. One director I met when he was a music video director and my friend had just signed him as a client. Since then he has directed four films including a couple of huge international hits. I was truly happy to see how well everyone was doing, including my hosts. When I first met my friend he was an assistant (an agent in training) on a desk working insane hours. He still works insane hours but now he is kicking ass and has some incredible clients. His wife (aka sfashionista) has become one of my closest friends and is one of the most creative, grounded people I know.

One of my friends at the party who is a little older than me told me I must live in the present more (yes she is a native so. cal woman). She is right. It's hard to do. I need to stop dwelling on the past and obsessing about what may or may not happen in the future. It's a very American way of looking at the world. Sometimes things are just out of our control, shocking as that might sound. My Roman friends think it's hysterical when I say things like "I'm planning to move to Italy in three years." It's crazy talk. I mean who the hell knows what will happen next week?

So I might not have a nice ride or a kick ass house in the Hills, a boyfriend or a bunch of money in the bank. It's okay.

Car issues again, Hillary get in the ring, the book

First, I missed my Italian class today because my car started smoking, made a horrific noise and wouldn't start. AAA came and towed my car. One of my belts broke and it will cost me $350 to get my car back on Monday. Sigh.

Hillary says she's in. This is shaping up to be one of the most interesting Presidentials races in decades. There are a bunch of Republicans and Democratics already in the race. It has been years since we haven't had an incumbent or current VP running. I am still doing my research on the candidates. Looking forward to hearing what they have to say.

I spoke to one freelance editor yesterday. The fee? $8,000. Let's just say that is way past my budget. I am waiting to hear back from a few others.

Last night a screenwriter friend took me to dinner at Ago to celebrate my book. She is so sweet. I am still working on it but she said finishing drafts of 300 plus pages is an accomplishment. She liked the book and had some good notes. She is a very talented writer and her comments made my day. She also told our waiter I spoke Italian (ha). He asked me some questions and then complimented me on my outstanding Italian. (ha, again)

Yet another book about Rome

So I'm reading my daily dose of Media Bistro and there is an article about Regan Books. The imprint is being shut down. One of the books that will be now published under the HC name is a memoir called WHEN IN ROME. How An American woman lost weight, eating, living and loving the Roman way.

Of course I had a freak out. This book is coming out May 07. From working in film I know buyers do not like to buy material that is similar to what they already have in development. I am trying to get more info about the book. I think it might be more in the vein of FRENCH WOMEN DON'T GET FAT. I hope so.

My sister told me not to worry. WIR is a memoir and my book is fiction. If I would be so lucky to find a buyer for my book it would be at least a year or two before it came out.

I am also stressing out a little because I am close to the finish line. Yes, I have had people give me feedback. I like getting notes and working hard to make my book better. However, looking for an agent is a different story. I don't want to embarrass myself and nobody likes to have something they have worked on for so long be rejected.

I'm beginning the process of looking for a freelance editor to read my book before I send it to any agents.

Back on track, Angels and Demons by Dan Brown

I am back on schedule,waking up at 5:00 a.m., going to the gym and then writing for two hours before work. I extended my workout to forty minutes. I was started to look like the Michelin Man so I had to cut into my writing time a little bit.

I am enjoying this latest re-write. One of the notes I received said the bones of the novel are there, but I needed to add some meat. Taking the time to sit and re-reading it over the holiday after taking a break really helped. I was able to read the book with semi-fresh eyes.

Speaking of novels I read ANGELS AND DEMONS by Dan Brown. My sister let me borrow her copy. It's a very quick read and not grounded in reality. There is no way you can get across town the Historic Center of Rome within minutes. Akiva Goldsmith is getting paid four million dollars to adapt the screenplay. On Hollywood-elsewhere.com one poster said that is a lot of money for Zeroxing a book.

We'll see if they can make an entertaining movie out of this book. There is even more exposition in ANGELS than in DAVINCI CODE, which was the most boring movie I attempted to watch in a long time. They are going to have to spend a lot of money on sets, since they will not be able to shoot anywhere near the Vatican. Unless the movie changes drastically from the book, I imagine the Catholic Church will be salty about this movie. I'm very curious to see who they will cast. Perhaps Giovanna Mezzogiorno, Alessi Boni among others, will be joining Tom Hanks. ANGELS will probably be just as critic proof as the first one and make a zillion dollars worldwide.