Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Forget having a Plan B.

I am driving myself crazy. I have just started to query a few agents. I analyze every email, every phone call looking for signs, do they like the ms? How long should it take before they respond?

Once you have an agent (a big step) they shop it to publishers. More waiting and freaking out.

I was reading an article in TIME magazine about Will Smith. He said he never had a Plan B because that implied your Plan A was going to fail. Interesting.

Someone the other day asked me what type of work I was going to do in Rome. I started to give my "in a perfect world I will write full time", speech then stopped. To be honest I don't know. On one hand that worries me, on the other it's freeing. My job is such a huge part of my identity it's hard for me not to stress about being in Rome without having a film or some kind of "great" job.

Maybe it's time for a new approach. Of course I will plan the logistics of my move the best I can but how can I predict what I will be doing for work? I don't live there. There is no such thing as a perfect world. Plenty of writers do other things until they can support themselves by writing. Some writers never give up their day jobs. They cannot afford to. Maybe I will get a part-time film related job with a festival, maybe I'll work for my sister-in-law friend's company. Maybe the writers' stike will end sooner rather than later. Who knows?

I was talking to my parents the other day. My dad said I was just existing here and that was not good. They are both supportive of my move. Although I know my mom is nervous about me living so far away from my family.

My move is not rational to begin with so I might as well go the distance. Next time someone asks me what I'm going to do in Rome, I'll say live.


Rose in Cali said...

BRAVA!!! Maybe you won't do anything glamorous for work, but you will be living a dream most people would never dare to attempt! You already have some connections, so you're ahead of the game. Ever heard that saying "a life lived in fear is a life half-lived"? Your dad is right.

Tina said...

You brought tears to my eyes this morning... Yes, you are going to live. :-)

Liz said...

We put so much stress on ourselves to find that "great" job. Sometimes it's not even what we want to be doing. Rather, it's what looks good to others. Since your dream is to be a published, successful author, let that drive you, and whatever else happens to pay the bills, who cares! If it's something that's not glamorous, but it gives you enough time to write and $ to survive, then hooray!

I am seriously excited for you. This is going to be such an exciting move for you.

Texas Espresso said...

I totally understand. I have no idea what I will do in Italy. At least your Italian is good, mine sucks.lol

And its hard to find "non-contract" job. so we are kind of taking a leap of faith and hoping for the best :)

modelbehavior said...

let's do a communal prayer for the strike to stop. It's majorly screwing me over as well.

"what will you be doing in Rome?"

What won't you be doing? It's going to be fabulous!

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

rose in cali - I am trying to not to let fear keep me from moving. Change is not easy.

tina - reading about other people who have made the leap does help so thank you!

liz - I know but years of expectations and goals leave their mark. I am lucky that my parents seem supportive but I know part of them wishes I had gone to law school. Ha. I do feel I have to move in order to put less pressure on myself.

texas espresso - yes it is hard to find "non-contract" work. I am optimistic (at least today) that things will work out.

model behavior - Last week there was some movement. People thought there was a possiblity the strike would end by Christmas. Now I'm hearing five months at least!

Yes I will be doing a lot but I still need to pay my darn bills. Unlike the Diane Lane character in "Under A Tuscan Sun" I have no money to buy a villa. haha

gibber said...

We too often allow our definition of success to be someone elses. When I tell people that I want to move to the Caribbean, they're always like "what will you do?" I dunno, sit on the beach and eat mangoes all day? I will raise my kids to be happy, healthy tots who speak more than one language. Outside of that, I'll figure it out!

You do what makes you happy. And if that's working at a cafe during they day while you write at night, so be it! You only have one life to live (i have the old OLTL theme song in my head), so live it. The rest of the world be damned!

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

Live, indeed. A good goal.

I went to live in Soviet Russia in 1987. My mom worried, too. It was the best thing I ever did.

Enjoy and savor!

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

gibber - Thanks for the encouraging words sis!

Regarding your move, maybe you could work at TALK OF TOWN or open your own place. :)

jen - grazie mille! Russia in 1987? Wow.

Confessions of Cleopantha said...

Yes to live! Maybe its time to put yourself in the number one position and find out more new and wonderful things about yourself that you have never discovered before :)
Remember you are more than what you do and nothing can take that sense of self away when you are firmly planted in it. Yes things will be different but different is good... Challenge what you fear so that it loses its power.

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

confessions - your last line really hit home. Thank you.

Gina said...

As the Dalai Lama said: "concentrate and focus" in "How to See Yourself as you really are" Atriabooks, 2006. p. 87 ff.

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

thank you Gina.