Tuesday, April 24, 2007

My parents are liquidating my wedding fund

Songs of the day:
Bob Marly and the Wailers - "Forever Loving Jah"
Laura Pausini - "Resta In Ascolto"

I had a long tallk with my mom recently. She is very worried about me. She said my sister has her husband and my brother has his wife and children. I am all alone. My closest family members live 3,000 miles away on the east coast and most of my family lives overseas.

She also said, of course when she and my father die (morbid!) they would provide for us so she isn't worried about my finances. I told her that everything is going to be fine. I'm okay with the fact that the chances of me getting married are slim. At least i'm in good company, 70% of black women in America are single.

This is hard for my mom to comprehend. My parents have been married for a long time. In their culture people get married in their 20s, maybe early 30s and stay married. The divorce rate is very low. Every time I go to St. Martin, the only single women at family functions are the widows and myself. Good times.

Even if I were to get married tomorrow, I wouldn't expect my parents to pay for my wedding at my age. I received a check shortly after my "there won't be a wedding anything soon" conversation with my mom. I used the money that would have paid for flowers to buy a MacBook and an iPod. Out of the photographer's budget, I still need to get a new printer and I might treat myself to some shoes.

Both my parents are very, very concerned I don't own a home (like my siblings), so they are putting some of the wedding fund toward the "our daughter needs to buy an apartment soon fund". One bedroom apartments in my area, avg. $600,000 so that is not going to happen.

Given how much my mom likes to worry, I thought she would freak out about me moving to another country. She told my brother they would help me once I'm ready to move to Rome. I am shocked. I knew my dad was cool with my plans, but mom? She did say she just wants me to be happy.....and married.


chris & erin said...

ha! This post gave me a good chuckle. I like that you write like you're sitting on the couch having a chat over coffee.

Delina said...

:D I think that many would rather have a MacBook and an ipod over a church full of flowers.

Buying a house seems to be hard in so many places these days. Here it's near impossible, and the same goes for my sister in London.

"70% of black women in America are single." - That's higher than I expected.

gibber said...

Sis. Mom and Dad are freaking me out with their "end of life" talk. I know it's necessary, but why can't i just go on believing that they will be living forever?

Re: you. I think mom gets it now. I told her that moving to rome is no different than you living in LA and it would be easier for you to see them (direct flight from Paris).

Delina - yeah, that 70% number is no joke. Of my friends from college, I'm the only one who is married. I realize that I got lucky and met my manchild in college. And these women are like ragazza...smart, beautiful, funny. It's hard out here for a sister.

Yes ragazza, I called him a manchild. I swear. Nothing is worse then a grown man who doesn't feel well.

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

chris & erin - I am so glad I didn't start this blog a couple years ago. Nobody would be laughing...I was so bitter. :)

delina - If I were in my early 20s I would rather have the church full of flowers but I cool with it now. (yes that is what I keep telling myself).

Seriously, the real estate market is horrible but I am not going to buy in L.A.

I saw that lovely statistic on Oprah. For women in general is 51% the first time in America there are more single women than married women.

gibber - Freaking out is an understatement!
Re: Rome we'll see what happens when it's a reality. I know Dad will be excited to visit.

Out of my black female college friends not a single one is married....all my other female college friends are.

Anonymous said...

T.K. in Ohio here: Wow! You are truly blessed! What a wonderful custom your family has of taking care. Your family sounds very close knit. Nice that you can take that $$ & treat yourself. I have a new sister in law from Grenada & your parents sound like hers re: the marriage thing. Why get married when you can have a MacBook AND an iPod? WooHoo! (LOL!)

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

Hi T.K. in Ohio. One of my good friends from college was from Grenada. I would love to visit there one day.

sissi said...

I have been reading your blog for a while and I really enjoy it. I put you in my blogroll. I found you thru Jessica. I am from France but I used to live in SxM and I lived in Las Vegas and NYC for a while , now we are back in France. I desperately want to move back to SxM, I feel this is my home like you feel Rome is yours. Oh and I am a huge fan of the Sopranos.

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

thanks for stopping by Sissi. SXM, is a really special place.

Anonymous said...

I just had to laugh at your comment about your parents liquidating your marriage fund. My grandparents (Barbadian) basically did the same thing for my mum (who is single) after my second-youngest aunt got married. My granny told her quite bluntly that it did not look like she was getting married anytime soon and then gave her 5 grand - and this was in the early 80s! And my grandparents were not anything near rich - a maid and small farmer/mason respectively.
My mum did the West Indian thing with it and used it to pay down for the house spot I eventually grew up at. Good looking out too - a house spot in my old neighbourhood now costs literally ten times as much, whereas many husbands depreciate in value over the years. :)

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

islandista - ha. I hear you. Thanks for stopping by.