To blog or not to blog

First thanks to all my friends and bloggers who called or emailed me about my dad. He is going to be okay.

I was debating posting about the cancer the first place. I know there are some blogs where every detail of the blogger's life is on display. My former assistant was the first person I knew that had a blog. I thought it was so weird. Why would someone post an online diary? I have keep journals since high school but only I read them. My assistant was more than ten years younger than me and all her friends had blogs. It didn't seem weird or self-absorbed to them.

I don't know how many blogs there are but I have to watch myself. Some of them are so informative and/or entertaining I could spend all day reading them. I have spoken to writers and other bloggers and they told me to write what I want. I grew up in a culture where people do not "put their business out on the street." Also my life is so freaking boring, if I were to write about my personal life all the time the posts would be very short.

This blog is not a Hollywood version of Wonkette (again, I'm not sleeping with anyone so nothing to post about. Althougth I did stand next to Brad Pitt on the Oceans 13 set. He's not a bad looking guy...ha). I don't talk about the inner workings of the biz or how one can break in. There are other blogs for that.

I started the blog after the crazy year I had. I know I post about nonsense most of the time. Feel like your life is going nowhere and you might be depressed? Blog about Project Runway and why Rachel Ray gets on your nerves. I don't think I will start blogging about the things that keep me up at night anytime soon. Everyone says writing can be cathartic but we'll see.

I have to admit I did feel better after I blogged about my car drama. I received the bad news while I was in Rome. I was with my fried Max. I was so pissed and told her I shouldn't blog while angry. She disagreed and told me to let it rip. Despite every other word in that post being with a "f" and ending with a "k", I'm was able to enjoy the rest of my trip, once I got that off my chest.

I'm glad I started this blog. I would not have started writing again were it not for this blog. I don't know what will happen with my novel but writing it has been one of the most creatively fulfilling things have done in my life. Through the blog I am able to keep up with my friends who live all over the world. We don't feel as disconnected anymore.

I have "met" some incredible people because of our shared interests in writing or Italy. Los Angeles can be an very lonely place, especially if you are not from here and work 24/7. It's easy to get "caught up" in the shallowness of celebrity culture. Reading my favorite blogs remind me it's a big world out there. I'm happy to be a part of it.

Cancer. A word I don't like to hear.

I spoke to my sister at work today. Our dad has cancer. My sister and my parents told me not to worry, they caught it early. How could I not worry?

I called my dad. He sounded fine. He said the doctor is excellent and the biopsy didn't hurt too much. They were supposed to return to St. Martin on Saturday but will stay in the States for a small operation. His doctors on the island will share info with the doctors here.

My dad asked about me, the job, the book, and how my Italian lessons were coming along. He loves to pratice speaking "Italian" with me. It's more Spanish. He grew up speaking French, Dutch, Spanish, and Papimento. Not sure where he learned these random Italian words, maybe on his job.

Speaking of Italy, he said he wants to meet me the next time I go. My mom is not a fan of flying but I hope she'll come too. My brother laughed and said "Italy is not ready for Dad." My dad has two very good friends, both are younger, who are not doing well. One had a stroke and the other (a veteran) is suffering from dementia. Dad said he doesn't want to wait to travel more. He has the time and means, he wants to go to Italy before he's too old.

My parents had us late in life (for their generation and my dad is seven years older than my mom) so they are older than most of my friend's parents. Dad is almost 80. He looks 20 years younger but cancer doesn't care about that shit.

They are so at ease about their lives and getting older. My mom keeps trying to talk to me about their will but I always change the subject. I worry about them getting older and living so far away. I keep telling them to take it easy. Last time I was in St. Martin Dad was moving heavy wet cement for a wall they were building. It's good to stay active but they shouldn't over do it. My dad is constantly driving relatives around. He said he didn't retire so he could "drive Miss Daisy" refering to my aunt who doesn't drive but has a million errands.

Yes it's good the cancer was caught early. I'm glad my parents do not mess around regarding their health and get yearly check-ups. I was told not to get upset but the tears keep coming.

Project Runway and the art of not writing.

I am looking forward to the runway show. These four designers could not be more different. Ulie (sp) is lucky she won last night or she would have been sent home. I didn't think it was cool for her to choose Michael's model but the blue dress did look great on her.

Feeling very anxious. I haven't worked on my novel in a week. Things are very hectic at work. We are getting ready to pitch a couple of projects and post-Toronto have been receiving more material from agents. I'm still trying to get over this cold, so my whole routine is off. I'm not working out and I have been waking up at 7:00 a.m. instead of 5:00 a.m.

This weekend I will get back in it. I have a pile of post-its, loose leaf paper and buck slips with random notes, lines of dialogue, quotes etc. on them. When I am driving, at the gym, in the shower or at work and I think of something for my book I write it down. I hate when I think of something right before I go to sleep and forget about it the next morning. I usually re-write the items in the composition book I am using for this novel. I will do that tomorrow.

Stopped by Williams-Sonoma in Beverly Hills after a lunch meeting yesterday. I love that store. I want the Kitchen-Aid mixer, several different cookbooks and they sell this pasta brand I bought in Italy. I'm on a strict budget so all I bought was some dish detergent.

To help me get back into the proper head space, I am going to make pizza this weekend. The dough I will buy from Trader Joe's but the sauce I will make from scratch. It's pretty simple. I will also make some bellini, look at my photos from my Rome/Positano trips, play some music, watch a movie or two and hopefully I will feel inspired to put pen to paper (or fingers to computer).

VW Ad. Holy ....Safe Happens

I had my first meeting with my provisional group last night. It took me 45 minutes to get to Santa Monica. After the meeting, 12 minutes to get home. Gotta love that L.A. traffic. I do love Casa Del Mar. Nice hotel lobby bar and I pulled up as the sun was setting. It was great being by the ocean.

I saw the newest VW ad last night. These ads are very jarring and memorable. The agency is Cripin Porter & Bogusky out of Miami. They are also the agency responsible for those creepy Burger King ads.

The spots are interesting. Usually car safety ads are geared towards families and older adults. These ads are so realistic. None of that slow motion, pretty stuff. Plus until the crash happens they are funny. Last night's ad had three guys in the car commenting on a Viagra radio ad. "Four hours that is a problem? Call your doctor? I'd hold all my calls."

Best line on last night's Nip/Tuck:

Christian Troy to Sanaa's character while he is prepping for surgery.

"Your chocolate cupcakes are looking very tasty today."

Il Ritorno Del Gatto Col Cappello (The Return of the Cat in the Hat)

Had a great time at dinner the other night at my Italian professor's house. One of my friends is leaving for Italy today for three weeks. Very jealous.

I called Inna at the Instituto and told her I'm not taking classes this fall. It is too busy at work, volunteering, and I need to finish my book. There is no way I would have time to study. She suggested I repeat Intermediate Level 2. I agree. I'm not ready for Advance Italian. There are people in that class who have been speaking it for years.

I bought the Dr. Seuss book at Feltrelli (sp) in Rome. Our professor suggested buying the Italian versions of books we know to help us practice. My friend picked up "Il Dario di Bridget Jones" as a gift for me last year when she was in Italy. Not ready for that book. So I bought a kid's book. I thought it would be a breeze. I mean what reading level is this book?

I'm going to Barnes and Noble before work to get the English version. I have read this book thousands of times to my younger siblings and during my suburban babysitting years. Yet the Italian verson was difficult for me. I did not know several of the verbs. I don't understand why there is the Passato Remoto tense in a kid's book. I am going to go online and start printing articles from Corriere Della Sera, and buying Italian Vanity Fair at the newstands. I must read a little Italian everyday. I cannot forget everything I learned just because I haven't been in a classroom since June.

I asked "the Contessa" to see if she can fix me up with any guys here who speak the language. That way I can kill two birds with one stone. I'm sick of this damn strike. There seems to be no end in sight. Really the two sides are not even speaking at this point. I am in my prime, it's just sad.

World, Hold On by Bob Sinclair, Timberland, Reggae and Eros

I just got his CD WESTERN DREAM from Amazon. It's an import from Australia, so it was a little pricey. I heard the single "Love Generation" at the gym and "World, Hold On" in Italy. Blogger Sara in Milan told me the latter was one of the songs of the World Cup.

I have the Sony Dream system. I bought it three years ago after I started a new job and an executive on the Sony lot let me use her employee discount. I have surround sound, which is great for DVDs and CDs.

I played this CD so loud, I felt like I was back at the Palladium circa late 80's. I love this CD esp. those two tracks. Jamaican Gary "Nesta" Pine sings the lead vocals on "Love Generation" and I love his voice and the message of this song. "World" I listen to it and I forget for five minutes about everything that is stressing me out.

Timberland (aka Tim Mosley) is the producer of the year. I have been a fan of his work since the day he teamed up with his classmate Missy "Misdemeanor" Elliot". I am so feeling Justin Timberlake's CD. "Damn Girl" is very Sly Stone, and "My Love" is a track that would make Prince proud. I can't believe this is the same guy who was in N'Sync. I'm not mad at Justin at least he tries different things. I know some of his fans really dislike "Sexyback". I love the beat (lyrics are whatever) and it's a great song to work out to. I am feeling so not sexy so maybe this song can inspire me to get "my sexy on."

The other new CD I can't get enough of, is a b-day CD JC in NYC (thanks J) burned for me. I thought I knew my reggae. Some of these artists I have never heard of. I love Delroy Wilson, Toots and the Maytals, The Ethiopians and Laurel Aitken. I am counting down the days to my arrival at Princess Julianna Airport, SXM. My sister and I have vowed to go to the beach the first day we arrive, if only for a minute. Le Gaillion, Baie Rouge, Friars Bay, any of those beaches work for me.

Eros Ramazotti's NINE another birthday gift (thanks fe), is one of my favorite CDs to write to. I understand maybe fifty percent of the lyrics. I googled them and tried to translate them on my own, then pulled up the English versions. I wonder if that is his real first name. I have to add he is very attractive.

I don't know what I would do without music.

I was two minutes from throwing my computer out the window.

I was finally able to get on the internet ten minutes ago. All weekend everytime I tried to get on, my computer would freeze. I broke down and called SBC support (at $139) and after hours of being on the phone, running to the computer store (which was useless), getting my laptop from the office (again, useless) we were able to find out the problem. My whole day was shot. I didn't write a damn thing today or go to the gym. I feel very blah.

I do need to get a new computer at some point. Seeing how my trip home for Christmas will cost almost $2,000, not happening anytime soon.

I did hike in Tesmescal Canyon yesterday with a friend and we bumped into another friend of mine on the way out. I'm still getting over this cold, so I took a long ass nap yesterday afternoon, made some soup and watched GOODFELLAS.

I need to pull myself together before my dinner tonight. My Italian professor invited me and another classmate to dinner. His girlfriend is American so I will not be the only person speaking English tonight. It's casual but I don't want to show up looking crazy. Taking a shower would be a step in the right direction.

T.G.I.F.

I was looking forward to writing this morning but one of my new neighbors is doing construction on their house. Even with the windows closed I can hear the saws, banging etc. sigh.

Instead I will get organized. My phone log is on my home computer so at the office I just write down my calls (so analog) I need to update my log which I haven't done in two weeks. I usually update the log daily.

I must deal with my living room and desk which are a mess. I have been so busy writing, I let things get a little cluttered. I hate clutter. It's the Virgo in me and growing up in a very neat household. My mom was the super neat one but after over 40 years of marriage she got my dad on her program. All his messiness was assigned to a drawer and the shed in the backyard. Even the garage and basement were organized. I am not as hardcore as my mom.

Last night met two of the "italian donne" from class. "The Countessa" just returned from over a month in Italy. My other friend is leaving on Tuesday for three weeks. The four member of our group is a prosecuter and in the middle of a trial, so she could not meet us. I cannot wait to her about her month long trip to Florence. She returned last week.

Let me get started on cleaning, returning calls and emails, paying bills, reading scripts etc. What a great way to start the weekend. Not.

Rachael Ray is everywhere

Why? I don't get it. Billboards, her new magazine, her new daytime show, "cooking" shows on Food Network, "travel shows" on Food Network.

Ray is really popular with men, as a girl you can have a beer with type person. They don't feel that way about Giada.

She's an awful tipper. Have you notice on those $40 a day or less episodes, how little she tips for those meals? As a former waitress I find it outrageous. She cannot help her voice so I will not comment on it.

Oprah is the producer of her show and clearly they are going for some kind of Martha Stewart type dominance.

I think next week is the finale of Project Runway. Cannot wait.

Looking forward to getting back to writing this weekend. Very busy at work this week so did not get to write that much.

Sarah Phillips, If You Want to Write, La Bella Figura and Nip/Tuck

I read three books this past week.

SARAH PHILLIPS by Andrea Lee. I ordered this book after reading LOST HEARTS and an agent at ICM suggested I check it out. I wished I had read this back at S.U.

The book is a collection of stories that ran in the New Yorker. Since this book was published there have been other books sent in this world but Sarah broke the mold. Lee's protagonist is a black woman born in the 50's to a well off family in Philly. Sarah attended a prep school, lived abroad and has a P.O.V. different from most of her peers.

If this book had been required reading in my AAS (afro-american studies) class at Syracuse back in the late 80's, Sarah would have been dismissed as a confused Oreo. She doesn't fit in any boxes. I like that she is a complex character. Not sure why in this country (though it's changing a little, see Kanye West and Pharell), the only authenic black expericence is the urban and/or poor one. I remember when the Cosby show first came out, one of the big complaints was that it was unrealistic. They weren't really black. I have heard people say that. What the fuck does that mean? I'm sure when Dr. Huxtable tried to get a cab, they still passed him by. The only thing only unrealistic about the show was that a family with five kids and two parents working full-time had no maid. The Jefferson's had one, and Lionel was grown.


IF YOU WANT TO WRITE by Brenda Ueland. I received this book as a birthday gift (thanks Jc in NYC). It was very postive and helpful. Brenda was born in 1891 so it's a trip to read about her writing classes and the students in them. Some of the advice is a little dated but at its core the book is about taping into your creativity.


LA BELLA FIGURA, A Field Guide to the Italian Mind by Beppe Severgnini. This was another birthday gift (thanks Corrina) I wasn't crazy about the format of the book but found parts of it very funny and true. For example in America a red light means stop. An Italian red light is an invitation for reflection. "Let's think about this red light. What kind of red is it? A pedestrian red? But it's seven in the morning. There are no pedestrians about this early. that means it's a negotiable red; it's a not-quite red. So we can go." Another line I liked was "Italy has too much style to be hell but is too disorderly to be heaven." If you have spent any time in Italy pick up this book.


Nip/Tuck, hello old friend. I stopped watching this last season. I thought the whole carver story line was over the top and I really disliked Sean and Julia's freaky son. It seem like all the humanity was sucked out of the characters last season. I happened to watch it last night. I remember reading in the trades that Sanaa was going to be on the show this season and I wanted to see what her character was about. I might have to start watching again. Christian Troy is still vain but I laughed out several times last night. As always, the music selection was outstanding.

Excuse me miss. Do you have any spare change?

Said by a homeless man on 3rd and 37th, NYC.

me: No, sorry I don't have any change.

homeless man: That's okay, I take dollar bills.


A few blocks later.

Frederick Douglass looking man talking with some friends on a stoop near Union Square: Well, hello there pretty lady! You have a nice day.

me: Thanks. You too.

It was jarring to be back in NYC. I miss it. The energy, the diversity, the sense of style, the sense of communtity, the creativity. It's an amazing city.

I read a couple of books on the plane. I have to read a script before work so I'll post about them later.

Back in L.A.

Yesterday I saw a wild turkey in my brother's backyard.

I did not get a chance to work with my mom and fill out the French citizenship forms. We only got to see each other on Friday and I did not bring them with me. There is a French women on my JLLA committee and she said she would help me.

Friday my sister and I went to pick up our parents and then went to Short Hills Mall. I was so excited to see them. I miss them already. I won't see them again until Christmas.

I am not a mall person but I loooooove Short Hills. There is no sales tax on clothes in NJ. My friend, who lives in Chatman came and met us at the mall. I haven't seen her since she moved from L.A. to NYC. She was an agent, was sick of Hollywood, moved to the city, and within months met the man who became her husband. It was so good to see her and catch up.

We dropped off my parents, went to Wegmans and then back to my brothers. He made dinner and my nephew went to bed. We stayed up for a while talking and tried to come up with baby names. My sister in law is due early next year. I don't think I have laughed so hard in months.

Sat. went to the city. It took me almost an hour and a half by train. I went to MOMA. It's the first time I have been there since the renovation. I love that museum. It was good to see some of my favorite works of art, and I enjoyed the design exhibits, which I don't remember visiting before. The sculpture garden is beautiful. It had rained all week but Sat. was perfect.

I walked around Central Park then met another friend for lunch. I was telling her how happy I was to be back east. I walked up 6th Ave. to MOMA and there was a street fair going on. So many people were wearing Yankee gear (there was a double header that day against the Red Sox). All the bars, pubs and restaurants were full with people watching the game. I had a great time at lunch. She was so positive and had some good, solid advice.

I walked over to the east side. Went into Bloomies then Dylan's Candy Bar. It was packed. I walked downtown toward the Flatiron buidling. Went into Jo Malone. I have a Saks gift certificate and was thinking of getting her Pomegranate noir scent. The Lime, Basil one i have is more of a spring/summer scent.

Walked down Broadway, past my old gym, Equinox on Broadway and 19th, my old farmer's market at Union Square, The Coffee Shop. There has been so much construction since I left, a Whole Foods and a Trader Joes. Now there are Jamba Juices in the city.

I continued walking downtown and went all over Soho. Met another friend for dinner at Barolo. We sat outside in the courtyard. She also lived in L.A. for over 11 years moved back NYC last year. She looks great and is happy. I told her within three years I do not want to be living in L.A. full time. Not sure how I will make this goal.

I read my book on the flight back. I addressed the notes I received. I hope I executed them well. I did enjoy this last re-write. I went from around 65,000 to 77,000 words.

I left my car at the airport. It was 8:45 so I took the freeway back. Big mistake. I got off the 405 at Venice. The 405 was backed up for miles. Why on a Sunday night at almost 9:00 p.m.?

Last night I woke up at 12:30 a.m. because my neighbor and her child were loud again. Why is this girl drinking apple juice so late at night?

It was hard to come back to my apartment after this weekend. My brother's kitchen is probably bigger than my living room and the laundry room is around the same size as my bathroom. I loved the guest bathroom. They have a big Kohler shower head. So relaxing. I look forward to the day I move out of this apartment.

I'm going to put on some music and start writing.

Greetings from Green Acres

I finally arrived at my brother's new house. My plane was delayed for an hour due to the bad weather.

I am in the middle of Green Acres. There are woods behind the backyard, a golf course across the street and working farms up the road. Very beautiful.

People like to talk smack about New Jersey. They should spend some time off the turnpike.

Anyway my sister in law and nephew (2 years old and so freaking cute!)picked me up at the airport and we stopped by the Wegmans. I think it's in Bridgewater. Oh. My. God. I almost lost my mind in the supermarket. The veggies looked like they were picked an hour earlier, the take out section is huge, the cheese shop is the size of my living room, great wine shop, etc. It was sensory overload.

I am still trying to process how my younger brother is living in this amazing house. Maybe I should leave Los Angeles and move into the guest bedroom. They can pay me to be the nanny.

My brother got home only a few minutes ago. Was stuck in Boston because of the bad weather. My sister drove up from DC to see me. awwh. Tomorrow my sister and I are going to see my parents. My brother and sister in law have to work.

Everyone has gone to bed. I'm still on L.A. time.

Last night's Runway was outstanding. So glad Laura won. Okay, so I think Michael will def. be in the final three. Next week's show is going to be amazing. Maybe Ulie (sp) will be "aut."

Ann Richards died today

She was 73. I cannot believe it. I was a staffer on her re-election campaign in Texas. Governor Richards was smart, funny, tough, and a little intimidating. She had an incredible life.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060914/ap_on_re_us/obit_richards_1

Much better mood today

Why? Because tomorrow I'm going to see my family. I fly out super early and cannot wait.

I had a good workout this morning. I'm starting to lose some of the "I just got back from Italy and now I'm depressed" weight I gained.

Meeting a writer in from the UK later today, then I have to finish packing.

I am not happy about checking in my weekend bag. When are these restrictions going to be lifted? It's not like they give you toothpaste, lotion and lip balm on the plane.

I hope they are modified before before Christmas. There is nothing like taking a red-eye and having no way to freshen up before the next leg of the trip.

I am going to try very hard to be postive today

Yesterday was not a good day.

development exec on phone: you seem down today, did you also have (the personal thing he is going through) happen to you?

me: A friend died today with most of his co-workers at Cantor Fitzgerald

development exec: Oh right, today is September 11th.

Okay does this man watch any news other than Entertainment Tonight?

I didn't sleep at all last night. My next door neighbor's kid started bawling a couple times. I could hear my upstairs neighbor slam her windows shut. I don't know whatis wrong with my neighbor. I banged on the wall once because she was yelling at her daughter to shut up. At 3:00 in the morning. She banged back. Is this child having bad dreams? What is she crying about almost every night?

My workout this morning was a joke. I was so tired I barely hit my target heart rate on the treadmill. I thought I would feel better after going to the gym but I don't. I am exhausted.

The one postive thing going on is my re-write. I am going to print out a copy and work on it during my flight. I am so glad I will be with my family this weekend.

I printed out all the forms I need to apply for my French citizenship. My sister and I are going to ask our mom to help us fill them out. Despite seven years of French, I cannot speak it. Not sure how long this process will take. Once I have my E.U. citizenship I can plan my move.

Five years later

I still have a hard time wrapping my head around what happened that day in Pennsylvania, at the Pentagon and in my city.

Rest in peace Nigel.

Runyon Canyon

There is too much dog poop. I went at 7:00 a.m. and it was crowded. I was going to drive out to the coast and go to Temescal but I need to get back and write. I lost an entire day yesterday.

I tried to write after my JLLA meeting but just couldn't. I had to be at the Beverly Hills Women's club at 8:00 to help set up and got home around 2.

I wanted to be the provisional advisor for the Bev. Hills/West Hollywood group since it's closer to wear I live and work. I have the Santa Monica/Brentwood group. LOL. I now have to drive from Hancock Park to Santa Monica for meetings, during rush hour. Fun.

The Bev. Hills group is more than 40 women so they needed two advisors. The South Bay group, Valley and my group have around 20 women and only one advisor. For some reason the League cut the number of women on our committee last year. Of course this group of volunteers is one of the largest groups in the League's history. The West LA group also has more 40 women. Should be an interesting year.

Books, Books and more Books. Project Runway.

I have received two more books for my birthday. Very excited.

One of my friends in NYC sent me two books via Amazon. "On Beauty" by Zadie Smith and Francine Prose's "Reading Like a Writer".

I haven't finished "Sarah Phillips" because I have been trying to finish this rewrite. I will take it on the plane with me next week.

Re: Project Runway. Vincent finally left the runway. He should have left weeks ago when he put that basket on his model's head.

I think Michael and Jeffrey are going to be in the final three. Kayne, needs to go next. Not sure who will be the third finalist. I like both women.

Suri and Katie Couric

I don't think Walter Cronkite would've talked about this photo during the evening news.

The Beat That My Heart Skipped by Jacques Audiard

I saw Audiard's thriller "Read My Lips" starting Vincent Cassel a few years ago. I remember Paramount bought the remake rights, not sure what happened to it.

I had read great reviews about "The Beat" so I rented it this weekend. It's a remake of Toback's "Fingers." It took a minute to get into the movie but I loved it. Romain Duris, who was in "L'Auberge Espagnole" plays the son of a washed-up, wealthy, "player" who made his money in real estate. He loves but also resents his father. His mom died young and was a well respected concert pianist. One day he bumps into her former manager. The manager remembers him as being very talented and asks him to audition.

So we have a thug (it's the only way to describe him and his co-workers) trying to decide between following in his father's or mother's footsteps. He might be a little too rusty to play at the level he used to. He finds a tutor. She's Chinese and speaks no French and maybe two words in English.

At times the movie is pretty violent. I have a hard time watching people getting the crap kicked out of them. The music is beautiful Bach, Brahms, French hip-hop, and dance music. Romain is an incredible actor. I could watch him for days. I thought this film was really moving. Probably one of the best films I've seen this year.

Interesting article in yesterday's New York Times Sunday magazine about the lack of interesting, complex, leading roles for actresses. The cult of celebrity, the pressure to make movies that will appeal to the widest audiences, and the ageism and sexism of Hollywood are making it difficult for any actress who would like to carve out a career similar to Meryl Streep's. Those days are over. It's too bad.

No comment on Flavor of Love.

VMA's

Best Hip-Hop Video went to the Black Eyed Peas for "My Humps.

I stopped watching after that announcement.

Off to write.