Friday, December 01, 2006

The green-eyed monster

As my brother would say, "Not a good look." Yesterday a friend called me to talk about some work stuff and a guy she met. She went out with an actress friend of ours to a Hollywood hotspot and had a great time. She mentioned a well respected, talented foriegn actor (and very good looking one). When I figured out the actor and the guy she met was one in the same, I told her I had to go. I couldn't believe how salty I was. I did call her back once I got home and apologized.

Okay what was wrong with me? Yes, I like many other women think this guy is smoking, but it's not as if I know him. It was so random of all the men , why is she hooking up with him? This is one of my friends who complains about not dating in L.A. However, she is very confident. I thought about my reaction some more and I think I just don't get it. What kind of energy am I putting out there? I have a great group of friends, so it's not like I'm anti-social but men never talk to me here. I'm invisible.

Another friend at a dinner party told me my name came up during a meeting at her agency. The male agent said nice things about me (regarding smarts), but also added that I was intimidating. What? I have had one lunch with him and several phone calls. He is one of the most intelligent guys I've met out here. Great taste and very well read. My brother said the same thing to me years ago but I told him he was tripping. I can't count how many women I knew in DC who said they weren't dating because they were too intimidating. That was not the reason. I am not one of those women who set impossibly high standands and then complain when no men can reach them.

Where is this "intimidating" stuff coming from? My friend from the dinner party said there is a super girly thing going on in the culture and L.A. is the extreme of this. I don't come across helpless or silly. Anyone who has read this blog knows I can be very silly but I do notice when I leave the country are things different. It makes no sense, I'm still the same person. I think of the Susan character on DES. HOUSEWIVES and I see what my friend is saying. The character is a 40 something woman but acts like a dumb ass teenager. All giggly and super insecure. Why must we have two extremes, either women are emasculating bitches or dim, non-threatening pretty girls? I don't know any women like that.

That said maybe there is some non-approachable vibe I'm giving off. I have heard the "intimidating" thing one too many times. I remember being very offended when a good friend said I was the black Miranda. Hello, I would like to think I make better clothing choices and I am not that cynical, angry, agressive or successful. As a creative person I thought she would say I was more Carrie-ish without the immaturity, poor spending habits or the occasional what the fuck is she wearing outfits.

I have to go to an industry party tonight. A friend is dragging me and I'd rather stay home and work on my book. While I am looking to seeing some people I haven't seen for a minute, I hate spending Friday nights talking about the biz. It's going to be a very frat boy crowd, a lot of "I'm a player with my leased Mercedes and best friends with such and such star." These "parties" are not fun.

I'm going to try a little experiment. I will buy a new outfit and walk into that restaurant and treat it like it's a party, not a networking event. Let others work the room and try to one up each other. I will seek out my friends, have a few drinks and who knows, maybe have a good time.


Anonymous said...

That's the spirit! Just get out there and have a good time. If people or men can't accept you for the way that you are, then they don't deserve you. There are plenty of intelligent men out there looking for their equal. You just have to get through the patch of weeds to finally find that sunflower.
As for the green-eyed monster...we all have one living inside of us and once in a while it rears it's ugly head. It's ok and totally human. As long as it's not like psycho stalker jealous fits of rage, it's fine. I'm guilty of it once in a while and so is the hubby. : ) It keeps the fires burning, ya know?

moscerina said...

I wish i could go there with you-- i loved it when i finally got passed the "business" party mentality and had some fun. Fuck it, bust it out.

as for the girly thing-- yeah, i get the intimidating thing as well. and sometimes i ham that up, intending to scare.
my friend B sent me this the other day and i think it falls in line with the stupid girl thing. i am not sure what is going in the world. I often try to channel my inner Sofia (hence the black cleavage bra) to combine brawn and brains.
sorry just babbling.

gibber said...

Hey girl. It's ok. The green-eyed monster gets the best of me too.

E&I is right. Just go out, do your thing, have a good time and make the most of it!

J.Doe said...

I hope you have fun tonight.

Kali said...

Ahhh, that green-eyed monster. It happens to me sometimes too. It sounds like you handled it well though, by apologizing.

I don't quite understand the intimidation thing either. I guess some people just think that confident and assertive equals intimidating. I'm not easily intimidated by anyone, so I have a hard time understanding it, but I would imagine some men have a harder time comprehending confident women.

Anyway, I hope you have a great time tonight!!

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

e/i - thank you. I try very hard not to let the monster rear it's head too often. This is a very competitive and yet unstable business. It can bring out the worse in people.

glittertip - LOL. I'm trying to channel my inner Cleopatra Jones but that might be too much woman for L.A. ha. Seriously I am so excited to be traveling soon. I might come to Rome early next year for a quick trip. I have to see what Santa brings me at Christmas. Hopefully it will be enough for a ticket.

gibber - I tried. see today's post :)

j. doe - thanks.

kali - yes I think confident, assertive men are admired but the same qualities in women could be preceive as arrogant or something equally negative.

Tracie B. said...

non dare rete! intimidating is WAY better than silly :)

Anonymous said...

I hope you had fun, but I sure hope you didn't try to truly change yourself. That "intimidating" remark means one thing - you are more than most men can handle. Which means the one that you end up with, will be the cream of the crop. You deserve no less if you stay true to who you are.

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

I hear you Tracie B. and Jessica. (jessica thanks for stopping by)

Anonymous said...

Hey girlie, thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting. The "intimidating" remark caught me here; I've been accused (?) of this as well. Actually, most recently, one of my very best friends in the whole wide world emailed me to tell me she found my blog "mature and intimidating." I wasn't quite sure how to take that, but oh well. From what I've read so far, it sounds like you've got brains and balls (that's meant as a compliment), and you know how to use 'em! Complimenti! I'm looking forward to reading through your site :)

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

grazie, anon.

sognatrice said...

Hey, I didn't mean to be anonymous! Why don't our bloggers like each other? It's sognatrice, if you didn't figure it out :)

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

yes, I knew it was you, but thought you wanted to remain mysterious. I think I fixed the problem by updating my blog to beta.