Since returning from L.A. I've thinking a great deal about my future. There are times when I lay in bed and cannot fall asleep because I'm too busy panicking.
While I'm excited and happy about Jumping The Broom, the reality is, it is one project. What happens next year? Will any of my other scripts sell? How will I pay my bills?
I read Diana's recent POST and had a moment (hopefully I can sustain it) of clarity. Diana and her husband, Micha, gave up very successful corporate careers and bought a ruin in Piemonte. How they transformed a "pile of rocks" into a beautiful home and B&B is incredible.
I have some control issues. Yes, living in Italy has forced me to slow down and "let go" a little. However, I still too easily work myself into a frenzy. Usually, I stress out about one thing, then it spirals into OH MY GOD WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME? WHY AM I STILL SINGLE? WHY AM I STILL BROKE? and on and on.
I usually keep these freak outs to myself so I don't scare my friends. Reading Diana's post I realized I'm going about things in the wrong way. I'm an optimistic person except when it comes to myself. I'm not sure why I dwell so much on what is not going on with my career and life. Is it some kind of Puritan guilt thing? My male Hollywood colleagues toot their own horns all the time. Even when they had nothing to do with a success of a particular project. ha
I've been procrastinating like crazy lately. I did have to write two treatments after my L.A. trip but after I finished them I've been very slow getting my new spec off the ground. Some days I feel so overwhelmed by all the things I need to do, I end up watching home renovation shows like Grand Projects/Grandi Progetti instead. Then I get depressed because I don't have a home to renovation. Then I think about why I don't have a home and spiral into a full blown existential crisis. This leads me to eat some San Carlo Rustica chips while I read home design and fashion blogs instead of working.
I need to get it together.
Like Diana said:
Begin Somewhere
Learn From People Who Do Want You Want To Do
Fight For Your Inspiration From The Very Beginning
Obstacles Will Hone Your Skill Set
Enjoy Your Accomplishments
Very wise words.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
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15 comments:
I certainly don't want to leave you with platitudes, but if it is any consolation I have been admiring you from afar! You have taken so many huge risks and they seem to be paying off. Maybe not as fast as you would like or need but you have acomplished more in the few years that you have been here in Italy than many do in a lifetime. I don't want you to think that I am trivializing what you feel, but I am trying to hug you from all the way up in Lombardia!!!
Well said by Diana. BTW , spoke to my editor. The article will be in Feb issue!
joanne - Thanks for hug. I wonder if the upcoming holidays have anything to do with my freak outs.
coco - really?! Congrats. I'm going to email you.
I think you have you ish together more than most people I know. Seriously! :)
sandra - Grazie. I try.
I find that alternating dark chocolate with those Rustica chips can help. Then, don't think about what everyone else is doing, think about what makes you feel good, then waht you are good at, and move in that direction.
I think part of it is the holidays. And even more so when you have made a non-traditional life for yourself. It isn't "normal", you see. I just read this on another blog and I thought it apropos here, "Christmas (or the holidays in general) has a very happy aura if you can strain out the shoulds and could-have-mighta-beens and just distill it into what you like best."
I tell myself, you know you are happier now than you ever were, you have wonderful friends and each day is a new adventure. Congratulations on "Jumping the Broom"!
Ciao Ragazza!
First, as for your tagline, took the words right out of my mouth.
Second, stick with Di, you couldn't have a better inspiration;
and third...there will probably come a time when you run out of energy to listen to those judgement-filled voices and just leave them to their cranky selves. I mean, do you REALLY want a house to renovate? :)
Forza, coraggio...looking forward to hearing more.
I'm feeling you on the whole "existential crisis" thing. I've been on that boat since I arrived in Italy. But what you've done already is fabulous so hang in there. I've had scripts for shorts sitting around for quite some time now without shooting atleast one scene, not to mention my unedited shorts. Anyway I try to workout when possible, clears my head on those days when I begin to freak out a little at the thought of where my career would have been had i stayed in nyc...although i instantly feel better when i remind myself that i am indeed happier here, even though i greatly miss the work i was involved in.
Nan - Ha. Good point. Okay, maybe not a complete ruin to renovate but at some point in my life I want to own a home.
gena - I finally got to work out yesterday (it stopped raining) and feel much better. You have to keep working on your shorts no matter what. I know it's hard. That is why I'm sitting here on the Internet instead of working on my script. Good luck.
I happen to think that you are bad ass. Having a movie that you wrote out there for people to enjoy is amazing. You are making a contribution to the world. Push on and you will reach your goals. You have done so much already. Taking advice from people who have done and done it well is always a good idea. Well said Diana!
Diana is right. I fell in love with your blog because you did what I want to do, move to Italy. It has not happened as yet, but when I am done with the Peace Corps next year, I am moving there. I have done my research and found a way that I can live there for up to three years. That's where I am starting, the rest of the time will take care of itself. You are my inspiration, so stop being so hard on yourself. Toot your horn because you have a lot of reasons to!!!!
As Mother Teresa said: "Let nothing perturb you; nothing frighten you, all things pass' God does not change. Patience delivers everything".
Suzette
sm - grazie! Fingers crossed the movie connects with an audience.
suzette - Thank you. Good luck with your move to Italy. I found blogs like Diana's so helpful before/during my move overseas. As you know, it's one thing to go to a country on vacation versus living there.
Ciao regazza. We are friends of Diana and Micha, have owned a home in Umbria (Citta' di Castello) for 10 years and have hugged and prayed them through several years of challenges. We've been through many of our own in life, health, e il nostro restauro di casa. The lesson learned in all...worry about those things you have control over, turn the rest over to God, fate, or whatever you believe in...and be thankful for all you do have. Lei è bene ed è benedetto. Pietro e Marzia
Grazie Peter!!
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