Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Dating update

As usual there isn't one.

Someone left a very wise comment on my blog saying thoughts become things. I hope that is true. So here is my thought…I will go on at least one date within a year. I think this a good goal, not too much pressure. Hell, it will be one date more than the number I went on during the last 3 or 4 years in L.A. It’s been so long I can’t remember.

Since the move to Rome I've been so focused on getting settled I haven’t had time to even think about the whole dating thing. Yes, I have almost broken my neck several times doing double takes of the gorgeous men I see everywhere going about their business (note to self: must write a post about that) but work and Italian red tape has taken up most of my energy.

I had drinks a few weeks ago with an American expat who had some hilarious stories about her dating experiences here via Internet dating. She reminded me of a conversation I had with G. a male Italian friend and C. a female Italian friend about this subject.

Me: So do a lot of people do Internet dating here? It’s very popular in L.A.
G: No.
C: Not unless you have a special kink or something.
G: Are you trying to tell us something? You seem so conservative.
C: I don’t know anyone who finds dates on the Internet. Not Italians.

Later in the evening:
Me: G. what’s with your friend M.?
G: Why are you interested?
Me: Well yeah if he didn’t smoke all the time.
G (as he lights a cigarette): If you want to get laid in Italy you’re really going to have to let that issue go.
C: Be glad you’re not in France. I just got back. The smoking there is worst.

Those of you who have been reading zee blog since my L.A. days know I’m not a big fan of Internet dating but G & C’s comments did crack me up. I’m not surprised. My Italians friends take forever (by American standards) to respond to email. They would rather meet in person, call or send a text.

As a woman of a certain age (ahem) I’m not sure how the dating thing is going to pan out. Most men my age are married and the divorce rate in Italy is very low. Meaning there are not many single men in my age range. With my luck I will be the only American expat who moves to Italy and never goes on a date. So many expats here met their OH,BF, CS etc. the first day or week they were in Italy.

I do think it’s harder to meet someone when you’re older. I no longer have patience for bs. I don’t mind spending a ton of time by myself. As a writer I actually need it. So there is no need for me put up with immature men, bad manners, bad sex (sorry but by this age you better know how to put it down or don’t freaking bother), men who have low self-esteem, men who hate women (I ran into a lot of the latter in L.A.) etc.

Despite my recent dating (or lack there of ) past I’m feeling optimistic. Who knows what will happen?


mikeb302000 said...

Judging by what I've seen of your writing, I'll bet you meet many interesting and available men over the next year. They're out there.

Italianissima said...

Ahhhh, Italian men. They really are possibly the most beautiful men on earth. Yes I married an American but whenever I am in Italy I definitely enjoy the view - what can I say - I am drawn to things of beauty.

I think in the next year you will meet a bunch of men (Italian or otherwise) who hopefully will be smart enough to know a beautiful and intelligent woman when they see one :) Keep us posted!

Anonymous said...

tracey k/Ohio: Very interesting re: the internet dating thing.... And yes, Italian men are delish. I had an Italian boss some years ago & let's just say I was more anxious to get to work each day than ever! (LOL!) I wish good things for you; that you'll find a handsome, smart, yummy guy who adores you. I couldn't imagine trying to meet/date & all that crap @ this point in my life. I'm 45, my son is 20 & me & Sig.Oth have been together 19 years (wow! that sounds long!)

You'll probably meet someone @ the Comune... :-D

Claudia said...

I like your idea of doing a post on gorgeous men. Please include photos! :)

glamah16 said...

Stop thinking about it. And who said you have to date an Italian. There are other nationalties there too. Abd who said he has to beyour age. Open Mind,Open mind, open mind!. I had all but given up and my younger German came into my life. I look younger then him!

erin :: the olive notes said...

love the first line.

Also, there are a lot of abbreviations that I had to keep straight :) I will enjoy reading about your trek through the Italian dating scene.

LuLu said...

You are definitely in the right place to find a beautiful Italian man. I think once all the Comune drama is over and completely done with the door to romance will swing open and you won't know what hit you! :)

I had to LOL over your conversation about Italian's and online dating.

Best of luck on the quest for love, romance, lust, fling or whatever it is your heart desires!! :)

Piccola said...

I beg to differ on the divorce rate in Italy being low. My Italian's cousin is a lawyer and he is kept pretty busy with divorces. Google it. Here'a a link:

It's always when your not looking or not interested that someone pops into your life. That's how it's been for me. He's out there. You'll see.

Anonymous said...

As a late thiry-something female, I can relate to your post. Dating when you are older is much more complex.
I've tried internet dating with some success but most men I met were just looking for a fling rather than a relationship. I agree that some of the best looking men I've ever seen were in Italy.
I've dated Italian men and found them both gracious and charming.
My advice to you is to keep an eye out for opportunities and just have fun and flirt like mad! You are in one of the best places for the art of flirting and seduction.

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

mike - you are too kind!

italianissima - I can appreciate beauty as well. Thanks for the positive thoughts.

traceyk - haha. I don't think so!

claudia - I don't know if I will be able to include photos. I can't go up to random men and just start taking their pictures. : )

glamah16 - no of course he doesn't have to be Italian. I did the "not thinking about it" since college (too busy working) and you see where I ended up. Old and barren. haha That said I do have an open mind as long as there is no foolishness.

erin - I hope I will have something to say on the matter. Other than Toronto it's been a sad situation.

lulu - grazie. I do feel like I have my life back now that I no longer have to spend all morning at the Comune. Spending all morning there completely threw off my work schedule. I have a feeling fall is going to be fun. I don't know why but I do.

piccola - yes the divorce rate has skyrocketed within Italy since it became legal but compared to the U.S. it's still very low. Italy's divorce rate is under 20 percent, in America it's over 50% and in California where I used to live it's over 67%!!!

See my response to Glamah16. Everyone says that but yet here I am still single after all this time. I think I focused too much on work in the past. If I were rich then maybe it would have been worth it To be broke and single after working so hard is very annoying. :)

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

ms. violetta - I know one person who met a serious bf on the Internet, for the rest of my friends they had flings or a just a date or two.

I have no idea how to flirt and my style is more classic/preppy then sexy. Perhaps I need to take a cue from Giada di Laurentiis another short women with curves combined with some Cleopatra Jones and see what happens. :)

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

What you have to say towards the end of your post is exactly what my best friend from college has come to - and like you, she's attractive, bright, creative and has a huge amount to offer. She feels, absolutely, that she doesn't need to "settle" any more. And I agree - she's made a great life for herself on many levels. Someone will be out there.

I'm sure it must get frustrating, though.

odessa said...

i hear you. i'm only in my late 20's but like you, i really have no patience for BS. most of the men that i met here are either too immature or too full of themselves, i guess that's california for you.

i'm sure your "one" is out there and he'll find you soon. keep us posted on your dating adventures. and oh, a post about those gorgeous italian men would be nice too! ;)

Texas Espresso said...

lol@the bad sex - you are so right girl! it seems to me the divorce rate may seem low because it takes forever for it to be completed. (at least last time I knew someone doing it, it took 3 yrs). why not go for someone younger? =) I think you'll be fine - can't wait to live vicariously thru your dates. hehe being the old married woman I am.

Monika said...

I live in Florence (Aussie expat) and joined a language tandem website looking for a language exchange partner. Within hours, I had emails from Roberto, Lorenzo, Salvatore, Guilio...need I go on? ALL of them emailed saying they were just interested in exchanging language, but just in case I found two females to meet with (I'm married). Anyway that's one avenue too!

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

jen - yes it is but for some bizarre reason I'm feeling good about the future.

odessa - good luck. I agree there are great guys out there. I don't know what is going on with the ones my age acting like frat boys.

texas - ha.... Yes divorce is a lot more complicated here and does take longer.

monika - that is priceless.

Thanks for the tip. I do need to practice speaking Italian. I'm a member of a yahoo group Rome. I will look into language exchange.

J.Doe said...

I agree with the commenter weho said 'who said he has to bo your age?' Go for younger men. or older men. keep an open mind and as the cliche goes 'you'll find him when you are not looking' Or try internet dating. No disrespect intended to your friend but one person cannot speak for a whole country.

Leanne said...

If you think the men are good looking in Rome then you need to get out more!
They are ok here but go a little further south to be bowled over by REALLY good looking men.. Napoli...Sicily and I cannot forget Calabria (need to be loyal to my bel ragazzo here!)
So if you love them here, you will just love love love them further south...

Good luck - and I love what that Tracey said about your perfect match probably being someone from the comune!!!!!

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

j. doe - he doesn't. To me "age range" could be older or younger. ha. of course she doesn't speak for an entire country but I have noticed it's not as popular here as it is back in the States. We'll see what happens this year.

leanne - Oh I have been to Naples and most of the boys I grew up with were of Sicilian descent. I know of what you speak!! :)

Tracie B. said...

seeing that they're all married, there are plenty of italian men out there willing to cheat on their wives, if you're ok with that!

uh, don't get me started.

it seems that all the american guys my age are married too.

the good thing is, italian men aren't shy. just stay in giro and see what happens!

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

tracie b - ha. Call me crazy but I would rather date a man who is not, you know, married.

When I lived in Texas everyone seemed to be married compared to my NY and DC female friends.

Nancy - Girl in Giro said...

I actually thinks its refreshing that you didn't move to Italy for a man! So so so many ex-pats seem to circle around their men without really getting into the country. I have dated a bunch in the 5 years that I have lived in Italy, but I have been single too, and I think that to really live and love the country you need to do it by yourself--- at least for a bit! Sometimes I think certain women have fallen in love with the romantic idea of dating an Italian man and moving to Italy more than the man himself! Anyways, I am sure you will be dating soon...and I can't wait to hear about the adventures! Italian men are beeeuuuuteeeeefuuul ;)

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

nancy - I do think it's hard to move to a country just for a man. What if it doesn't work out? And for the Anglo-American expats who to move to Italy for love without any sense of the country it must be very difficult. Most of them are very unhappy here. I don't know what I would do in that situation. You love your boyfriend/husband but can't stand where you live.

Many people back in States keep asking me what's going on with the men. I have to remind them this is not the movie UNDER THE TUSCAN! ha. I've just moved here and I'm still getting settled. The last thing I was thinking about when I was trying to move into my apartment, get my residency, sell my movie pitch and open my bank account/get my Codice Fiscale etc. etc. was dating. :)

wordtryst said...

"With my luck I will be the only American expat who moves to Italy and never goes on a date..."

**giggle... snort!**

I wouldn't bet on that if I were you.

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

wordtryst - I hope you are right. ha

Italiana Americana said...

ahah you'll find someone! And that's a lie!! A lot of italian men meet people they meet off websites...look at badoo.com for example! I met many italian men like that and i'm young! ahhaah it just happened that i liked practicing my italian and ended up becoming friends with them. :) try it out! ;)

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

italiana americana - ha. thanks for the link.

I should add that my italian friends are in their late 30s, so they might have a different POV on Internet dating than someone who younger. :)

Anonymous said...

From your Expat Friend (Sarah) re: our convo about Internet Dating in Italy...I thought I'd pass on one of my favorite "Matches" from 2004 when I experimented with Italian Match.Com. This one's from a non-Italian but another day I'll send along some of those...just as funny! BTW, my Screen Name was "Anita_Data" which NOBODY in Italy understood. Enjoy!!!

“Dear Anita,

am Chinese, my 41 years old, my height 173 CMs,
I am single, I still have no child, my occupation is the autombile engine driver, my healthy body, I hope to make the link with you, I hope that you can marry with me! I hope that you can become my wife! I can become your husband! Hope your energy is immediately and quickly for me and your wedlock event decision - making! I entrust the wedlock and love to God! I am fides but fakes! Ask you to believe me! The wedlock and loves have no national boundary!

My Chinese link address is:
??????????380?????7?5?2? ??? {?} ????:545005
My E-mail: lg309988@163.com

Special advice: Language barrier, the ocean obstruction, the national boundary separation, it all the incapability hinders me to marry with you! God protects me and you!

I love you! I court toward you! I propose toward you! I am very honest! I am very kind! Ask you to believe me!

I am a bona fide! I am kind! Ask you to believe me!

Let's talk on Messenger!^^^^^^^^^^^ My name: ??? “

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

sarah - that little tidbit does not inspire me to try Internet dating. ha. I know there are language issues but well, wow.