Thursday, June 22, 2006

Panasonic sucks, baby blues

Got up this morning at 5:00 to write, then watched the USA vs Ghana game. Sorry but Team USA was not ready at all.

I have spent the rest of the morning trying to get someone on the phone at Panasonic customer service. Ugh! Turns out what it would cost to fix my printer (plus I would have to ship it to Chicago) is more than what the printer cost.

Is it normal for a laser printer to fall apart after only a year and a half? I do not use it that much. What horrible workmanship. I am so fucking pissed off I could scream. Now I have to buy a new printer. First the car, now this. Money keeps pouring out.

Yet another friend is having a baby. This is the fourth person I know this week who is expecting. Why am I upset about this? Oh I know, because I'm not married, if I ever get married I will be too old to have children and I'm too broke to adopt. Maybe once I hit 45 I will except my fate in life and be cool with it. Now i'm depressed and actually angry.

Not sure whom I'm angry with. It's just biology that my males peers can wait until they are 40 or 50 marry someone 29 and have a family. I made these career choices. I didn't know L.A. would be so brutal. What am I supposed to do now? I have actually avoided going to baby showers lately. I can't take it.


Anonymous said...

Hi, my name's manuela. I am Italian and I like reading your blog which I like.
reading your last post I felt I am in sintony with your feelings about maternity and pregnancy. I am in the same position you are in: sourrounded by friends very proud of this big change in their life. I see that everybody's life is coming to a turing point and that only in my life nothing's happening. I love babies, I'd always loved them but now, at the age of 32, I feel I desperately want a love that lasts all life long and of course I mean a child, not a man (!!!!!!). But, where is the father of this baby I strongly wish? So I have at least five friends and a cousin expecting at every time my mobile rings and they tell me "guess what?..." I already know. I feel a mix of envy and joy. They have the only thing I desire in this moment and, yes ok I am happy for them, but il also is a bit frustrating since I am wondering when this will happen to me and, most of all, whether this is going to happen to me someday. It now seems so far and impossible

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

Manuela, I am a little older than you but I have so many friends in the same boat. I try to be optimistic about the future most of the time. however somedays I just can't.