Monday, January 04, 2010

Can someone please explain to me how comedian Steve Harvey became an "expert" on relationships?

Yet another expose about us poor single black American woman. This time on ABC's Nightline.

Mr. Harvey's advice to date older men is downright revolutionary. I mean, who ever heard of men dating younger women?!!

One friend told me his book "Act Like A Lady, Think LIke A Man" is helpful and a good read. However, I can't get past the title.

In this new year/decade, I'm going to keep on keeping on and seriously not worry about all the stats. I'm fine with not getting married as I'm not having children.

However for my friends who do want to get married, I understand their frustrations. I felt the same way a few years back.


23 comments:

GigiSxm said...

i have his book. yep I'm one of the frustrated ones. Somethings were enlightening, others are impractical.

GigiSxm said...

Happy new Year/New Decade!!!!

Simone said...

Sometimes I think we get caught up in the idea of a relationship based on out-dated expectations that don't jive with "modern" day living...understanding our own individual needs and desires in regards to men should always come first and before the need to be married is even considered..but then that's the ideal..coffee??

Cynthia said...

It is an interesting read but I don't know how much really applies to me. I think I'm trying to figure all that out.

Anonymous said...

This year starts a new year for me...and although I have a nice man, children are out of the question for me because of my age. I'm still open for marriage. No, Steve Harvey is no expert on relationships and the title of his book sucks...It seems that trust, respect is the biggest problem in black relationships(no expert) just speaking from my own tumultous experience in the past year. That is behind me now, I want foster a positive relationship with black men... Healthy relationships is a good thing no matter how you look at it and unhealhiness in one doesn't make anyone feel better. Everyone involved is miserable...Saw the pictures and thought they were beautiful "Same song" "different dance" on that...doesn't change the story...breaking bread with that on a positive note...was well expressed. Stay positive, love your blog--very therapeutic at times...Have a happy New Year!!!

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

gigi - it must be even tougher given where you live. It's not like there is a huge pool of single men. Most of them I'm related to (ha). Happy New Year/Decade to you as well.

simone - yes that was me last decade, worried about my clock and what not. Now basta for that. Now use stressing over things I have no control over.

cynthia - the movie rights have been bought. Curious to see how that will work out.

anon - grazie. I agree, respect and trust are very important for any relationship to have a chance. I know there are major issues within our community. I wonder what that solutions are. I feel sometimes we talk at each other instead of too each other.

SDG said...

I read the book and found it funny. Most of it I already knew and alot of it I shook my head at. I didnt take it too seriously.

Rose in Cali said...

I, too, cannot get past the lame title of this book. Some of my friends have read it, though, and said it has some very practical advice. However, those friends are in relationships with unintelligent men--so maybe Steve Harvey should rename the book, "How to Date Cavemen."

Kataroma said...

I just couldn't believe that woman who had a height requirement for the men she'd date.

Steve Harvey is seriously creepy though.

Ms. Violetta said...

Happy New Year.

I read his book. I found it honest, realistic and refreshing.

jadie said...

i agree that black men rarely receive an upbringing that makes them assume marriage and children are an expected ideal. i suggest dating men from cultures where marriage and family are aspired to, and who consider themselves unsuccessful without a family of their own. yes, i realize it would mean trading "at homeness" for something different...

Gil said...

There were plenty of educated black women where I used to work and more were single than married. I remember more than one of them telling me that the men they meet are afraid of them because they are educated and wanted to get married. This was about six to eight years ago.

maelström said...

Ciao! I'm sorry my comment has nothing to do with this post, in particular, but you made me laugh when I read the title of your blog. I recently knew a girl from California whose favorite movie is just "Under The Tuscan Sun" and favorite book is "Eat Pray Love"! LOL! :)
Greetings from Rome!! :)

Anonymous said...

Non è inerente al post, ma cerco una tua mail dove contattarti per una proposta di collaborazione. Puoi pubblicarla da qualche parte nel blog?

Grazie,
Damiano

Monie said...

When Black women are letting comedians give advice on dating then things really must be bad.

I wonder if Sinbad is writing a book as we speak?

Anonymous said...

Ladies in light of the fact that I'm starting a new year for myself...I did reach out to an ex-boyfriend and told him that-- maybe--just maybe, we can be civil to one another and try to be each other's friend.(not entirely sure if this is a good idea) The problem with this is that if he doesn't know how to treat a woman to begin with, how can we honestly be friends? He has a beautiful wife and kids and I just want him to get out the unhealthiness of it all out of his system and cultivate something positive... just be mature enough to do that. It will help with the healing process for both involved....

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

I'm tired of males telling women how they should live their lives - in terms of "getting" a man or in any other category. I think we're perfectly capable of thinking for ourselves, thank you very much.

Ugh.

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

sdg - I'm not a big reader of self help books but I did hear the book was funny.

rose - ha. A lot of it seems like common sense. Remember that book The Rules? Why are there all these relationship books for women and hardly any for men?

kataroma - yes he is.

ms. violetta - Happy New Year to you too! His book clearly is striking a chord. It's a best seller.

jadie - I don't have a family of my home and don't think that alone defines you as an adult but I do agree with you that we have to do a better job of parenting the children we bring into this world. Kids are not accessories.

gil - it's so strange how the culture pushes this idea that for women marriage is the end al,l be all and men are scared of being "locked down", when every single study proves men benefit more from the institution.

maelstrom - When I was getting ready to move so many women said to me "OMG it's so Under The Tuscan Sun!"

Damiano - You can go to my Flickr page (lower right hand side of the blog). There is contact info there.

monie - ha. Whatever happened to Sinbad?

anon - He has a beautiful wife and kids but doesn't treat women well? We never know what goes on in someone else's marriage but if you have a problem with how he treats women, then maybe you shouldn't be friends with him.

jen - Hello! The title of his book really annoys me.

dalia said...

so. blasted. tired. of this conversation! everywhere you go, blackwomenaresingle! but it's so true...

all but two of my black girlfriends are single... but you know what? it's the exact same thing with my white girlfriends.

almost all of my black guy friends are married - to black women, save for one... his wife is white.

three of my female marriage-aged cousins are married, and allllll of my marriage-aged male cousins are married. one has been married twice! and one is now divorced. the latter two did not marry black women.

i dunno what my point is, here... i guess i was just working something out in my head. but as i said on my FB status a few days ago when this first came out: not everyone is meant to be married, some women are batshit crazy and will NEVER be married, some are just too damn picky, some need to broaden their horizons, some have unrealistic expectations, and others... well, them's the breaks.

Monie said...

@nyc/caribbean ragazza

I just heard that he's going to be on that TV show the Apprentice. That should be interesting. Lol

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

dalia - "and others... well, them's the breaks." This line made me bust out laughing. ha

monie - really? thanks for the update.

glamah16 said...

I think Im the only person in Chicago that doesn't care for him . But hes blowing up.Go figure. Love Rose in Calis comment. So true.

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

glamah16 - his book is a NYT bestseller! He now has a column in Essence Magazine.